why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
