I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
