sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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