You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize