she was so not down for the gang bang
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
