it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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