I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
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well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
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You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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