After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
