I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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