Pappa wants mamma naked
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
