dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
