no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
