Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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