Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
