He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
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We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
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Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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