I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
