Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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