i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
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I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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