Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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