There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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