Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
