Whod you bang
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
