Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
