Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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