hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Dating After Heartbreak
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers