dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You've changed since you got that strap on
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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