One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
