I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!