You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.