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Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
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