Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
