O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
