She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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