you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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