Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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