Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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