Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Randomize
