We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
