i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
