I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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