I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
