She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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