Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
