Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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