Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
