Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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