i think my tv is drunk
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
