this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
