OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
