Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
