is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
