I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
