Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
