Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
