We won't sleep together?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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