Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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