I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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