Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
