We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
