you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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