it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We are two peas in an std pod
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
