JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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