i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize