Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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